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| | | | | 10 Things Disenfranchised Grandparents Have In Common by Susan Hoffman | | | 1. Isolation: Grandparents with grandchild visitation issues believe that they are alone. "I thought that I was the only one in this situation?" They feel humiliated that their own child and, or spouse has alienated them from their lives. Grandparents are always surprised to learn that there are many others in the same boat. Grandparents suffer in silence until they discover that there is support available.
2.GUILT:Grandparents blame themselves for their grown child's behavior. " What did I do wrong?" Somehow they believe that they are responsible for the adult child's actions. Just as a parent cannot accept all the glory for a child's success, neither can they assume the blame for their failures.
3.CONCERN: The greatest source of the grandparent's pain comes from the worry about the grandchild's feelings. "Won't they wonder where I am?"Grandparents suffer greatly because they are helpless to communicate with the child the circumstances behind their disappearance. Grandparents grieve for the child because they have had something special taken away.
4. WHY:Every grandparent wants to know "WHY?" They drive themselves crazy searching for a reason. They play back and re-run the events that led up to the alienation; if they only knew the reason, then perhaps they could fix it.
Eventually, they intuit that the "WHY" does not matter. There is NO reason to ever justify a parent keeping a child from a loving grandparent.
5. JUSTICE: Grandparents want to know their legal rights to visitation. They want to learn about their own state laws and were they stand.
"What are my rights, can I fight for my grandchild?" They want the security in knowing that if necessary they have legal options.
6.HELP: Grandparents seek help in the way of support. Only those who have had a similar experience truly understand the painful feelings.
They require support, compassion, counseling, and true empathy from someone who knows how it feels.
7.SOLUTIONS: Grandparents are eager to fix the problem. The relationship a grandparent has with the parents determines what kind of relationship they will have with the child. It may be in everyones best interest, if grandparents learn to play by the parent's rules, even though it may require some "eggshell walking".
8.LEGAL ADVICE: Grandparents are always curious about the opinions of attorneys. When all attempts at communication fails, then consulting with a family law attorney specializing in grandparent visitation is a reasonable alternative.
9.GRIEF: Anxiety, sleeplessness, worry, sadness, depression, helplessness, anger are all common feelings expressed by grandparents when access is cut off with a grandchild. They have a broken heart; they feel like a piece of themselves is missing, similar to that of having a missing child.
10. UNCONDITIONAL LOVE: Grandparents feel love and affection to a grandchild second only to that of a parent. The difference being is they have a choice. Grandparenthood is a natural part of the cycle of life. Expectations by a grandparent: to be allowed to give UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.
| | | | Article Source : Article-treasure.com | | Publication date : 07-26-2008 | | | | Article by Susan Hoffman | | | | Susan Hoffman | | | | Keywords : Grandparent-grandchild connection, alienation of affection. | | | | | |
